Fuccboi or Nah?
Welcome to my new blog series: Or Nah?™️ Where I'll be doing a deep dive/analysis into specific archetypes from popular culture! Whether you're looking to catch a fuccboi red-handed, or downplay your own fuccboi-bility (see what I did there?) read on!
Disclaimer: Based on my own ethnographic research, field notes, and/or personal experience.
Fuccboi or Nah?
That is the question.
Most claim to know a fuccboi when they see one. But do they really?
Now, I do realize it's almost criminal of me to homogenize every eligible, single & looking bachelor into one or more subtypes but hear me out!
It's all in good fun! All satire, not to be taken too seriously. I'm not looking to offend anyone. I'm more or less writing these for my own sake, for future me to reference.
If the subject in question exhibits five or more of the following: congratulations, you have a Grade A fuccboi on your hands!!!! Degree of fuccboi-bility may vary.
1. This is a BIG ONE. Most of you, I'm guessing, are oblivious to this. It took me years to come to the realization. He only asks to hang out or "chill," on WEEKDAYS. Girls are similarly guilty of this. Translation? You're just booty-call material to him and he doesn't see you as relationship-worthy. You aren't worth clearing a weekend for. Read that again. He's only willing to see you, given it's convenient. BOY I'M ON TO YOU!
2. This is going off of the first point. Turning down plans, will only see you at night or under very specific conditions (if you know what I mean.) Refuses to do normal, "wholesome" activities together, including but not limited to: making brunch, walking the dog, going ice-skating, etc.
3. Distances himself from you in public, pretends like he doesn't know you after a fling/get-together. He got what he wanted. Now he's scanning the room for other options, new "prey!" Ugh.
4. Leaves you on *Read.* Either you're coming on too strong (i.e. scaring him off,) or he doesn't give a sh*t. More often than not, it's the latter. An interested boy will not leave you on read. I repeat, AN INTERESTED BOY WILL NOT LEAVE YOU ON READ!
5. Acts hot n' cold/sends mixed signals. Like the Katy Perry song, yes. He's sweet when he "needs" you and disinterested when it's over. If I haven't seen this a million times.
6. Compliments and/or comments on your girls, behind, legs, UPON MEETING. Drunk or sober, doesn't matter. No well-intentioned guy would do that, I'm sorry. Post-date, post-hang out is okay.
7. He flirts and acts like he's gone through the whole club/room/what have you...GIRL, run!!!
8. Evidently, he dresses like one. The shoes don't lie, no ma'am. Air Force 1s, check, Vans Old Skool, check, Comme Des Garçons Converse, check! Fresh fade, gold chain, striped Guess tee...check, check, check!!!! Bonus points if said fuccboi has a sleeve.
So there you have it, ladies and gentlemen.
Alternatively titled: "EVERY OTHER BOY IN THE LOWER MAINLAND," and "How to Tell if He's Playing You, Sis!"
Upcoming Posts in my Or Nah?™️ Series:
"Softboi or Nah?"
"Finance Bro or Nah?"
If you made it this far, congratulations!
Worked so hard, forgot how to vacation.
Now, count all the pop-culture references in this post! First person to DM me the answer, bbt on me! Be it Tiger Sugar, Jenjudan, or Xi Fu Tang...your call bb.